I Liked You Better Before

Amazing how people can change so fast. Do they change? Or were they just that way to begin with and had you fooled. Oh god. I'm so confused.

I can definitely see that it can happen. I'm sure i'm the same way.

But. Wow. It's intense the way you can be surrounded, and seemingly safe in a group of lovely friends, only to find that in one fell swoop they can disappear.

The people you so recently thought you'd never be without, are gone from your life, probably as fast as they came, and they become just a fond or foolish memory.

Sigh.

I guess it's romantic in one sense, because it's almost an analogy for life itself, the way that everything is so fleeting. I guess one should just be happy with one's brief, but happy experiences, rather than long for more.

You know ...enjoy the now.

Well. If it makes any difference. It still makes me sad. Lost friends. I love you. I still think about you.

I still remember lying in bed smoking a funny cigarette with you with our legs on the wall.

I still laugh when I go past a pharmacy. Any pharmacy.

I still get teary when I hear Darlin' by The Beach Boys.

I get even more teary when I look at my bookshelf and see C.S. Lewis. - Remember you read it all in one go, in the car?

I think about dark restaurants in Crown St and remember a beautiful, intimate, expensive dinner that you paid for. I could have kissed you.

I unravel the photo you gave me, and it fills me with a happy sadness.

I look at my beautiful piano, and I learn to play songs that remind me of you. Of course, they're all the hard ones.

If you're about to disappear, do so for the right reasons. Don't change. I liked you better before. If you are already gone, know that you're actually not that far away. And you never will be.